Our own weakness, ahead of or behind us?
Most of us have built our lives in order to be stronger, more together, more impressive, our resumes are testimonies to our strengths and achievements. For most of us, weaknesses, the broken parts of us, are the parts we labor so mightily to hide from the rest of the world. This may be quite simply the reason so many of us have difficulty with people who have disabilities, because their weaknesses are just so out there. So while we try to stuff our weaknesses behind us, and have them trail as far behind us as possible, those with intellectual and physical disabilities have them pushed right ahead of them. And though most of us would never say it quite like this, the reality is that most of us do despise and abhor the affliction of the afflicted (Psalm 22:24).
If you’ve read our bio piece, then you’ll know that we’ve adopted three children who have Down syndrome. Fifteen years of parenting have convinced us completely that to most people, indeed, the vast majority of people, our children are either annoyances, or invisible. Which, like David, has caused us over and over to rejoice and give God glory, that He neither despises or abhors the afflictions of the afflicted.
So, you are reading this post, therefore you must have some concern and interest in the welfare of individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities. So, please forgive us if 15 years of watching the scowls and staring and pointing fingers, or our personal favorite of seeing how three teenage children with Down syndrome can suddenly become completely invisible when they try to speak and interact with others, causes us to ask you some pointed questions. How many individuals do you know (that you are not related to) that have an intellectual or developmental disability? Do you know what their favorite thing in the entire world is? Do you know what they are afraid of? What is their favorite song? If they could eat any food over and over again, what would it be? Do you even know their name, you know, that young man or woman who bags your groceries every week? If you don’t know the answers to these questions, then you absolutely do not know their strengths. You don’t know who they are. Your own weaknesses have hindered you from seeing their strengths. So, while you may not abhor the ‘affliction of the afflicted’, neither do you know them. Now whose weaknesses are going before them?
as always, right to the heart of the matter, nelsons.
i am reminded of my first day of teaching – i had begged the autism specialist to be there so that i wouldn’t be completely overwhelmed by the responsibilities and remarkable challenges i knew to be coming, and he had kindly agreed. the day had crashed and burned despite our best efforts, and we were both unable to stop one child from collapsing on the sidewalk, violently smashing his head on the concrete, screaming uncontrollably, and attacking anyone who intervened. when the buses finally left and the kids were gone, he said to me, “today, all of my weaknesses and inadequacies have been revealed.”
your kids were easy for me to love, and it is easy for me to slip into prideful smugness when i read about people being afraid or unkind around them. however, there have been many times when i’ve found myself weeping with frustration and helplessness and shame when i haven’t found love or patience easy to come by.
and yet – how will we know if we are weak and blind and helpless? it is the gift of God that we are given, through your kids and my students and the orphans of the world who have special needs – if we can’t admit the truth of our own limitations of spirit and strength and love, that we have all fallen short of the glory of God, then we can’t really know His grace and salvation. in glorious irony, the Lord has made me rejoice as He has allowed me echo the words of my friend from school: “today all my weaknesses and inadequacies have been revealed – thanks be to God!”